Sharper Teeth (Howling at a Weeping Moon)

StickmanSouffle · 06-28-2009, 04:09 PM

Okay so I've been having a little writer's block so this probably sucks. Oh. Well.

We are like rabid dogs
Fighting over rotten meat
You’re criticising instinct
And underestimating selfishness
And I don’t need a history lesson
I need sharper teeth

And this bruise will fade
But it will not be forgotten
Even if it was never noticed
Or truly understood
Because we love to roll the dice
But we hate to play the game

And I’m howling at a weeping moon
From this cage I hold so dear
The birds cry my liberation
But I’m wishing for the bats

I’m putting on my best impression
Using all my best jokes
Pulling my biggest smile
It’s so fun to pretend
But I’m running out of jokes
And I can’t improvise

And I’m howling at a weeping moon
From this cage I hold so dear
The birds cry my liberation
But I’m wishing for the bats

And if I run out of ideas
I can give an anecdote or three
As long as I make sure they’re not
About me

Baphomet · 06-29-2009, 01:44 PM

Hmm... Well you've definately done better than this one. It still has your usual imagery but seems to lack something, maybe it's just a little forced and that's why it's lacking heart... But the verses really don't seem to flow either, maybe it just needs to be cut up and fragmented more. Funny part is it almost seems you're writing about having a hard time writing...

StickmanSouffle · 06-29-2009, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baphomet4all

Hmm... Well you've definately done better than this one. It still has your usual imagery but seems to lack something, maybe it's just a little forced and that's why it's lacking heart... But the verses really don't seem to flow either, maybe it just needs to be cut up and fragmented more.

Thanks for the criticism, Baphomet4all. I will agree that I have forced myself here, I also think it may lack flow because I write my lyrics before music. I'm trying to get out of the habit of that because it just makes the whole process harder.

Quote:

Originally Posted by baphomet4all

Funny part is it almost seems you're writing about having a hard time writing...

Haha, it's not actually about that, but I suppose I'm glad that shows through.

Trapaw · 07-06-2009, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StickmanSouffle

I also think it may lack flow because I write my lyrics before music. I'm trying to get out of the habit of that because it just makes the whole process harder.

Good imagery but it does feel forced. I have a few songs like that myself.
I had to ask though: You find it harder to write music to lyrics than vice versa?

StickmanSouffle · 07-07-2009, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trapaw

Good imagery but it does feel forced. I have a few songs like that myself.
I had to ask though: You find it harder to write music to lyrics than vice versa?

Most of the time, yes. But, as I said, I've been having writer's block. So I'm trying different things to try and get out of it.

Trapaw · 07-07-2009, 10:48 PM

Gotcha. I know how writers block is.

06-29-2009, 01:44 PM	#2
Baphomet Jerky guy who thinks he's a rocker... Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 1,198 Thanks: 78 Thanked 58 Times in 52 Posts Rep Power: 55	Hmm... Well you've definately done better than this one. It still has your usual imagery but seems to lack something, maybe it's just a little forced and that's why it's lacking heart... But the verses really don't seem to flow either, maybe it just needs to be cut up and fragmented more. Funny part is it almost seems you're writing about having a hard time writing... __________________ We walk without eyes, chained to these. We stand pseudo life, slaves to machines. http://www.myspace.com/prosedescry <--My new band!!

07-07-2009, 10:48 PM	#6
Trapaw Metal Elitist: Anti-Pink Polo Shirts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: In Hell (a.k.a. The South) Posts: 303 Thanks: 18 Thanked 23 Times in 20 Posts Rep Power: 32	Gotcha. I know how writers block is. __________________ Bury The Living coming soon!

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06-28-2009, 04:09 PM	#1
StickmanSouffle Tie me up! Untie me! Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Coastal town, dislike the beach... -_- Posts: 124 Thanks: 9 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts Rep Power: 16	Okay so I've been having a little writer's block so this probably sucks. Oh. Well. We are like rabid dogs Fighting over rotten meat You’re criticising instinct And underestimating selfishness And I don’t need a history lesson I need sharper teeth And this bruise will fade But it will not be forgotten Even if it was never noticed Or truly understood Because we love to roll the dice But we hate to play the game And I’m howling at a weeping moon From this cage I hold so dear The birds cry my liberation But I’m wishing for the bats I’m putting on my best impression Using all my best jokes Pulling my biggest smile It’s so fun to pretend But I’m running out of jokes And I can’t improvise And I’m howling at a weeping moon From this cage I hold so dear The birds cry my liberation But I’m wishing for the bats And if I run out of ideas I can give an anecdote or three As long as I make sure they’re not About me

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